Someone just found my blog by searching for “Nate Berkus gay” on Google. I’m sure they were disappointed that my post that mentioned him had no juicy details, but at least they know they’re not alone. (I’d link to that post, by my archive is truly screwed up and the nice folks at blogger haven’t been able to fix it. That’s why all my posts are on the main page for now.) And yes, I’m still fully obsessed with and lusting after him.

My friend Tyler and I engaged in a frequent favorite pastime of ours last night: critiquing online personals. Though we are both very attached, that doesn’t stop us from looking and laughing (and very occasionally drooling).

We formulated a few tips for anybody out there writing a personal on gay.com or some other dating site. Be aware that the examples used are all real. Scary, I know.

1) “I hate these things” as a headline is neither unique nor eye-catching.
2) “I live with my parents,” “I’m still looking for a job,” and “I’m planning on starting school soon” are not things you should highlight when trying to impress a potential mate. Especially when all of those things exist in one profile, or if you’re over 30.
3) “Abercrombie” or “A&F” is not an appropriate way to describe your physical self. In fact, it should not be used as an adjective at all, e.g. “I’m tall, muscular, and very Abercrombie” is an extremely unfortunate sentence.
4) “No fats/fems” will not help you get butch, attractive boys. Those boys will think you are a shallow bitch. If you have criteria such as that, be tactful.
5) A profile with a headline of “Shallow guys look elsewhere!” should not include only photos of you shirtless.
6) A close-up photo of your dick is not appropriate accompanying a headline that says, “Looking for more than just sex.”
7) If “Gym 6x/wk” is intentionally in your “personality” section, then it’s probably absolutely accurate.

I’m sure I’ll add to these as time goes on; these are just the ones I can remember today. If you have any you’d like me to add, please tell me!