I’ve been a very bad blogger this past week. I’m sorry.

I broke up with Patrick on Saturday. It was really hard.

The short version is this: I need to be single right now. After two really good years together, I have to be alone for a while to try to figure out what’s next in my life. As much as I love him—and boy, do I—we are too young for either of us to be as “married” as we have been. Too often I find myself not going after that great new job in another state because I’ll miss him, and I can’t do that. I can’t let myself do that.

I know it sounds selfish, but I just can’t.

When we met, Patrick was really depressed, clinically depressed in fact, and he always said I was the reason he came out of it. Since I’m doing this now anyway, for me, I hope he uses the time to figure out his own happiness. It’s not healthy for him to rely on me for his happiness.

I guess really there are a lot of complicated reasons behind it. But I still think it’s a good thing for both of us in the long run, even if we’re miserable right now. I keep telling myself: Sometimes the best things are the most difficult.

Already, I really miss him. I don’t even know what to do without him. We’ve been each other’s other halves for essentially our entire adult lives.

I didn’t get out of bed at all yesterday and, other than sleep, I haven’t cried for maybe 2 of the last 48 hours (Boy is work fun!).

*sigh*

One more time: Sometimes the best things are the most difficult.