I am lustfully obligated to make note that today is Duncan Sheik’s 34th birthday. If I don’t mention it, I will never forgive myself.

I’m not going to say too much, because if I start talking about Duncan, I’ll never stop. Patrick and my friends will attest to this.

Suffice to say that if you thought Nate Berkus was my main fantasy man (given his prominence on these pages), you are seriously wrong.

I am so obsessed with Duncan Sheik, I haven’t even bothered to try to convey it with mere written words. Accurate portrayal of my feelings about him requires strong vocal inflection, various hand gestures, fits of tears, and often a day of rest following the explanation.

He’s brilliant (hello Brown University semiotics degree!), a musical genius (and I don’t throw that word around lightly), and incredibly attractive, too.

If you don’t know who he is, or know him only from his one huge hit Barely Breathing, go buy his “exquisite” self-titled debut, the “profound … and hauntingly moody” sophomore effort Humming, the “fragile and poetic” all-acoustic Phantom Moon, or the “minor masterpiece” and most recent release, Daylight.

People magazine recently called him “John Mayer’s older, wiser brother,” which I found a bit offensive because Duncan is infinitely more talented, yet forever under-appreciated. You music junkies will appreciate his obvious reverence for Nick Drake, to whom Duncan is frequently compared.

Can you believe that this is me holding back?

I’m an out-of-control music lover, but for some reason I never really mention it here. Just seems too personal, too “inside-my-head,” to share my thoughts on music. But the truth is, I have hundreds and hundreds of CDs/vinyl, across a variety of genres, and spend way too much money every week buying even more music.

And I can talk about it for hours. Obviously.

Anyway, I’m not ashamed of my Duncan obsession; in fact, I’m proud. I even think Duncan knows about it. I’ve met him five times - twice in the same day. That’s why I think he knows. Because on the second time that one day, he said something to the effect of, “Oh, hi again. Are you stalking me?”

Of course I said no. I didn’t want to scare the boy!

Then I offered to have his babies.