For an explanation about Geoffrey, click here.

Tues. 8 Jan 1991

After spending approximately three weeks in the hospital and learning that I’m in the final stages of a terminal illness, I have decided to keep this journal as a final gift to those who are close to me. I hope to be able to convey my thoughts, fears, anger, acceptance, hopes and faith—perhaps as a way to convey my concept of death and all involved with it.

I believe that there is a reason for most that happens to us. One of the best things to happen to me recently has been my conversion to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Why L.D.S? Let’s just call it divine intervention—God’s way to prepare me for that which was to come. I’m so grateful that I was able to open my heart and accept all teachings of the church as true. Instead of saying, “Why, why me?” I am truly able to accept God’s will. I also know that He will never ask me to go through anything I don’t have the strength to endure.

One of my favorite scriptures is Book of Mormon: Alma, chapter 37, verses 36 and 37:

Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord, yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

Dianne W_____ came by today—she will be my coach and guide through this experience. She brought me information for getting AZT from the U of U and AIDS support group dates. But most important, a copy of a living will and information re: “Last Will and Testament.” These things make everything seem so final. I hope that Luis, Yolie and Ray can share this experience with me.