For an explanation about Geoffrey, click here.

By the way, Geoffrey lived in Ogden, about 40 miles north of Salt Lake City, and was staying with his friend Ray after leaving the hospital.

Thurs. 10 Jan 1991

Today was another cold, snowy, grey day. I’d give anything to be laying out in the sun—I wonder if I’ll ever get to do that again. Ray walked me over to the house today so I could check mail and make phone calls. I set up my appointment with the University clinic—mainly to get some AZT. They said they provide it after an assessment from their doctor. I only have enough for another day - I feel as if my life depends on taking it.

My energy level is at an all-time low—I really hope that changes. It’s horrible to get so tired from doing nothing. I’m dreading the trip to Salt Lake—maybe I can sleep on the bus.

I talked to Luis about my living will today. I wanted him to have power of attorney over my treatment should I be unable to do it myself. He agreed to do so, but seemed reluctant. I’m so afraid that my impending death will be too large a burden on him. I hope not as I’d really like to spend more time with him. So, the make things easier, I asked Ray to take that responsibility. I hope that’s not too much for him either.

Maybe it’s my imagination, but people seem to treat you differently when they know you’re going to die. I hope that phase doesn’t last too long—and things can get back to the way they used to be. Somehoe I don’t think that’s going to happen. Things have changed forever. I can’t even look at things like I did just a month ago. The only thing that makes all this bearable is my firm belief that I’m headed for a better world after this one. If I endure to the end, my reward will be in heaven. I feel sorry for people who can’t or won’t believe that. If they don’t learn that here on earth, they get one chance after death. I’ll be there for those who want to learn.