Because of his uncanny ability to imitate several cartoon character’s voices (as well as a variety of sound effects), early in our relationship I nicknamed my boyfriend “Gizmo” in honor of his best imitation (from Gremlins, of course).
Patrick is a guy of extremes. When he’s tired, he can can sleep for days. When he’s hungry, he can wipe out an entire all-you-can-eat buffet (I’m so not kidding—and he’s a skinny guy). When he’s got energy, there is absolutely nothing that can stop him from talking, moving, taking things apart, making noises, and pretty much offering entertainment to those around him.
Anyway, you get the idea. He knows no moderation, and it’s part of the reason I love him. Even if it sometimes makes me a little crazy. Like at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday. But I digress…
Those extremes, of course, carry over to his moods. Despite suffering from depression for much of his life, I’ve always known Patrick to be a pretty happy guy. Admittedly, we’ve had our rough spots, usually brought on by his irrational behavior (and my not-always-supportive reactions) when he’s been in a low swing, but it’s never been that big of a deal.
But this last week has kind of knocked the wind out of me. Patrick’s at an especially low point and it’s made him question everything in his life, including, I think, our relationship. I’m not really worried because I know he loves me and I’m confident he’ll snap out of this funk eventually, but I can’t remember his mood every being this low for this long.
He has no energy, no life in his voice. He’s apathetic about everything. I worry that he’s not taking care of himself or his responsibilities, but asking only makes it worse. It’s kind of hard to describe, but anyone who’s familiar with depression knows exactly what I’m talking about. Really, he’s just not himself.
The most frustrating thing is that I can’t do anything. I can’t change his mood or make him happy—only he can do that, and right now he’s not able.
I’m used to perky phone calls in the middle of the day, to a blur of motion by my side, to a non-stop stream-of-consciousness monologue in my passenger seat, and this depressed silence is a shock.
Maybe it’s time to try some new meds. Maybe his mood will lift when it stops raining. Maybe I’m worrying for nothing. I don’t know. But I do know my life isn’t the same without his happy energy.
I just miss my Gizmo.
April 22, 2004 at 3:05 am
I want a boyfriend like you :-p
I don’t claim to understand what he’s going through, but I know what I often do, and it might not be farfetched to say that just having you near him, if only in silence, would be a great comfort.
As for me, there’s nothing anyone can do. Sometimes you just have to let people kick their own asses for a while.
April 22, 2004 at 9:56 am
It definitely sounds like he needs a change in medication. At the very least, I would recommend that he see his doctor.
As for you — I think that being there for him is the right thing to do. I wish you the best. :\
April 24, 2004 at 5:29 am
I hope you’ve taken the time to tell him these things. To know you are loved is the best medicine out there. It’s obvious that what you have is special.
April 26, 2004 at 11:09 am
I am sure you know this…but I will say it anyway.
You miss Gizmo, but given what I know about my own depressive episodes, you don’t miss Gizmo as much as *Gizmo* misses Gizmo.
That is when depression is its most vicious.
Re: new meds: as I am about to go down that road, just remember its not fun. It takes a while. And side-effects may include more hell than you initially think you are going through.