For an explanation about Geoffrey, click here.

Mon. 14 Jan 1991

Same kind of day as yesterday. I did feel a little better this morning, but miserable by tonight. I’m so tired—and tired of feeling sick—and still have so much to go through. I call Dr. F_____ tomorrow to make an appointment. I don’t know what he can do, but I hope he can give me something to feel better. Or else something to take away the feeling. Only two more doses of I.V. medicine to go. I almost didn’t take it this morning—knowing that it would make me feel sicker. I was afraid to see what would happen without it. I need to know what’s going on with my body—what the options are. No one’s telling me much about that.

Luis came over today so we could all sign and notorize my living will. Now I just need to pick the doctor to sign it. I also need to know more about procedures I want and ones I don’t want. Or, do I want every and any available medical option? Maybe if I knew more about what may or may not happen. I need to know something. I’m sure I’ll find out more on Friday at the University.

I had an appointment with Dianne today which I didn’t keep. I couldn’t remember what time it was for—and it seemed to complicated to find out. Now I feel bad about not going. I should call tomorrow. It just seems so hard. Like I said to Luis—maybe I need some kind of home to be in. If I get much worse, I’ll look into that. I need to make some kind of living arrangements—and soon. This must be hard on Ray. Besides, I don’t want to get sicker here. That’s not something Ray should go through.