For an explanation about Geoffrey, click here.

Tue. 15 Jan 1991

Worst day since getting out of the hospital. I don’t have the energy to do anything but sit here. Thank God I only have one more dose of Pentamadine. Maybe I’ll lose this awful taste in my mouth and be able to taste food again. I have so much to decide and tend to—and no energy to deal with any of it.

Ray took me to lunch today and I barely had the strength to make it to J.B.’s. Once we got there, I was afraid I wouldn’t have the strength to make it back here. I was supposed to call and make an appointment with Dr. F_____ but just couldn’t deal with it. I need to talk with Ray tomorrow and see if he can help me get some of this done. I don’t think he realizes how unable I am right now.

I cut back smoking today—down to one each hour. It has been less a matter of willpower and more being too sick to deal with it. I’m going to try to cut back even more tomorrow. I suppose I really should quit altogether. I guess I’d do anything right now if it would make me feel better.

I realized today that I haven’t read from the Book of Mormon for the last two days. Except for a period in the hospital, that’s the first time I’ve missed daily readings since being baptized. I’ve got to try and concentrate on that tomorrow. My spiritual health is far more important than physical health. My concentration seems so poor that I don’t think I could read very much. I don’t need to be able to read very much at one time as long as I read something. I need to pray about that tonight.