For an explanation about Geoffrey, click here.

Sat. 2 Feb 1991

Felt dead tired all day long. At least yesterday was a better day - maybe tomorrow will be, too. Luis came by for a short time this afternoon and I was almost too tired to sit and talk. It gets so hard to just sit all day long. Even TV stops being a distraction and way to pass time. I wanted to try to sell some things from the house today - before it’s too late.

Maybe things aren’t as bad as they seem over there, but I still don’t see a way to keep on living there. Where will I go once things are sold? As long as it has a bed, I don’t really care. I just realized that all my plans center around death, not life. I need to find a purpose for the life that remains - otherwise, why go on? There must be a reason. It’s just that God won’t reveal it to me. It would be so much easier with a sense of purpose (or future?).

I’d sense that my recovery from the hospital stay is as complete as I can expect. It’s been over a month since getting out. Where’s still a lot of limitations if this is the best that I can expect to feel. It makes it imperative to do things as time permits. There’s not that much time and I can’t waste what there is. It would be nice to be able to do things and not be laid up the next day.

Hopefully, the weather will start to warm up soon. It would make a big difference to be able to get out for short walks. Especially in looking for a place to live. I’ve been thinking that maybe I should consider Salt Lake to live. Closer to things I need.