For an explanation about Geoffrey, click here.

Sun. 3 Feb 1991

First day back at church for many weeks. I only stayed for the Testimony Meeting - too tired to stay for the next two. I hope that I can start to go on a regular basis. If I have the house sale next week, I won’t be able to go. And where will I be living the wek after? If I don’t have a place to live, where will I put my things?

Luis is supposed to pick me up tomorrow to put in ads and maybe make it to the AIDS Foundation in Salt Lake. He had already called three times for an appointment without getting one. The brochure says, “Help is just a phone call away.” That makes nine calls so far. I really doubt that I can depend on them for any help at all. Luis still wants to try. It’s a lot different from San Francisco. I still wonder if I should be back there. I couldn’t go now even if I wanted to.

We are all but a small part of God’s plan. It’s so hard to see that plan when He has taken away both health and home. Are my possessions next? Is this all a test of my faith? I guess I don’t really need a house and possessions when my life is almost over. What more do I need but faith now?

People at church told me about a funeral yesterday. It made me realize that I still haven’t made any plans for mine. That’s the only type of plans left for me to make. Everyone else around me has so many other plans to make. No one can understand what that means until they’ve been given their own death sentence. No amount of imagining can bring the true picture. I can’t forget the fact that my future is gone - all I have is other’s futures to hear about.