My best friend lives in Washington, D.C. and today she called to tell me that though she’s thrilled to be out of Utah, she felt a little homesick earlier this week when she saw some polygamists touring our nation’s capitol. It kind of made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to hear that.

I know some of you are wondering how one can recognize polygamists just by looking at them, but it’s not tough. If you see them, you’ll know. It’s like they’re Amish, but there’s one guy and … about 10 women (”sister-wives”). Usually the guy has a long beard and is wearing a hat. The women all wear long dresses with long sleeves, and a long braid is mandatory. Sometimes they wear bonnets, and some sects allow the women to wear jeans under their dresses on special occassions, for comfort’s sake. All this even at the height of Utah’s desert summers.

You can always spot a few groups of polygamists at major Utah cultural events. I’m not talking the oprah, symphony, or arts festival. I mean the more traditional, Mormonism-rooted, Utah-only occasions. The grand-daddy of ‘em all is tomorrow. It’s July 24: the Days of ‘47 parade, commemorating the day Brigham Young and the first pioneers rolled into the Salt Lake valley way back in 1847.

Though most of my friends roll their eyes at the whole “family-oriented” affair (and I don’t mean “family” in the gay way, unfortunately), I don’t really mind it that much. It’s always been a part of my life, and my childhood summers would seem vacant without the Days of ‘47.

As my family has been Mormon for generations, we always celebrated the holiday pretty extensively when I was younger. In more recent years I was involved with the parade as part of my job at the TV station; I orchestrated our involvement in the whole affair. Now this year is the first in which I won’t have anything to do with it.

I’m kind of glad Patrick and I are going out of town over the weekend with his family. It would be too weird to stay here and watch everybody else celebrate a culture with which I used to identify.

Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. I’ve almost always known I was gay, and that really kept me from buying into the whole Mormon idea all along. But I acted the part and always did what I was supposed to do in regard to religion, so that was really all that mattered.

I wish I could better explain Mormons and their influence in Salt Lake City. Not so much the theology or the socio-political aspects. Just … the feel - the vibe - of the culture itself. It’s absolutely unique to Utah; non-Utah Mormons aren’t the same at all - the vibe isn’t as strong, or as strange. I’m sure it’s because of the history here and majority influence.

Like polygamists, I think you can recognize Mormons by sight, too. It’s not as easy as there’s no specific dress, except for the garments (sacred underwear!), but it can definitely be done. It’s kind of like gaydar. I call it MoDar.

It’s funny. I never noticed the distinct cultural attitude among Utah Mormons until I’d mentally removed myself from it for a while. Now my MoDar goes off every time I see garment lines beneath people’s clothes or overhear someone say something like, “Brother Jenkins felt the Holy Spirit telling him to reconsider, so we decided it was best to stay home that night and pray.”

And you think I’m kidding with that line.

But, no. I heard it this morning at work.

Hell, much of my extended family regularly says things just like that.

Anyway, I don’t know how I can feel so connected to a culture that I never really liked, never really believed, and to which I never really belonged.

Then again, I’m not really sure what I believe when it comes to religion.

Mormonism is all I really know, and scary as it is, parts do make sense to me. I think it freaks Patrick out when he allows himself to realize I’m Mormon.

I’m not sure he’ll ever understand that part of me, and that’s okay. Most people who didn’t live it don’t understand it. I don’t even think converts to the church (all nine million of them) quite get it either. It’s very different when you’re raised from birth with these “truths” and their consequences.

I think non-Mormon Utahns can recognize the cultural vibe I’m talking about - they tend to think of it as “that weird Mormon thing” without ever defining it - but they don’t really comprehend it. No one outside the circle does.

I also don’t think anybody realizes the effect it sometimes still has on us, even after we’ve left the fold.