For an explanation about Geoffrey, click here.

Wed. 13 Feb 1991

This makes about five six weeks since I’ve been out of the hospital. It seems like a lifetime. In total, almost two months since I went in the hospital. If I were to really have six months more to live, that would represent one-third of the time left to me. Not knowing how long I have to live is the hardest part to deal with.

Still no word about whether I got the apartment or not. I suppose I need to give them a call tomorrow. I’m afraid to hear that they won’t rent to me. What will I do if that’s what should happen? I guess I’ll need to pack things and put them in storage. I’d really hate to do that. However, I have been having second thoughts about moving to Salt Lake. How many days would go by without seeing or talking to anybody? And, how long would it take for Ray to make the move? I still can’t help but wonder if that’s what he really wants. How can I be sure about what he wants when I don’t know what’s right for me?

I’ve been drinking every day for a week and eating one meal a day. It would be so nice to have a place of my own - close to a grocery store. I need to go to the house tomorrow and get things packed - so there’s no chance of getting to the store for food. I also need to find out what happened to my food stamps - don’t even know when they’re due. If I get that place in Salt Lake, the first thing I’ll do is go to Albertson’s. I could spend a whole day cooking and eating. I need to start to take better care of myself.