Ok, ok - you can stop emailing me and telling me I’m wrong about the message on Oprah.com!
Oprah’s site may now refer to Fernando as Nate’s “partner,” but it wasn’t like that late last night and earlier today when I wrote the rant. It said “friend” then, and Nate’s personal site looked like it always has, with no mention of the disaster.
Nate’s statement posted on Oprah.com now matches the statement that appeared on his personal site earlier this afternoon. In it he says that he is home and the search for his “partner Fernando Bengoechea continues.”
The change makes me think even more strongly that the earlier statements were from Oprah staff, Nate’s publicist, or somebody similar. Now that Nate is home, they’ve put up what he wants. I can understand a staffer not being sure if it’s appropriate to more or less “out” Nate (even if we already knew) without his explicit involvement. Not to mention, that staffer likely heard Nate refer to Fernando as his “friend” on all the news programs, as we did, so it was a natural assumption that was how it should be. Of course, this is all complete conjecture, and should be taken as such.
Then again, maybe somebody heard the rumblings about some of us being confused, upset, or annoyed about the use of “friend.” I’m certainly not suggesting I did it, but I wasn’t alone in being vocal about the issue. Several other bloggers, much more prominent than I, said similar things. If I’ve learned one thing from blogging, it’s that you never know who’s out there reading.
I still don’t completely understand why Nate would say “friend” to CNN in the first place, but given the circumstances, the stress, the shock, and everything else, it can definitely be ignored, forgiven, and forgotten. In the end, I’m actually very proud of him, strange as that sounds, for handling this as he did.
By the way, Nate’s statement also asks people to give him and those close to him “the time we need to heal through this devastation.” Since I strongly think we all should do just that, my postings about Nate and the tsunami will end with this one, unless there’s a major development or I feel especially compelled to write.
I suggest you visit the Fernando and Nate Blog for continued updates. The site has the original Oprah.com statement from Nate, along with a note about the revision.
I hope that eventually Nate finds the peace he needs to heal, and that he is allowed the space and respect to do so.
January 4, 2005 at 8:34 pm
You give yourself far too little credit. It just may be that the honesty of people like yourself has allowed Nate to acknowledge that the friend he lost, is the man he loved.
If it were me, that would be a great gift for which I could never repay.
January 4, 2005 at 9:59 pm
I agree, if anything, it got people talking!
January 5, 2005 at 12:01 am
I’m still praying for Fernando’s safe return. Let’s hope it’ll come true. I really want him to come back with Nate.
And the picture you posted is a very good looking pix of Nate….
January 5, 2005 at 9:24 am
Dude!! Brother!! Homo!! Youre not wrong at all, its your opinion..Its just ours are better:)
I was under the impression Nate was staying until Fernando was found. This doesnt sound promising does it?
I hope he is found.
Peace to all
January 5, 2005 at 9:52 am
Nick,
In the scope of things, don’t you think that your “say it loud, I’m gay and I’m proud” retoric is inappropriate?? Nate has lost his partner and I’m sure he is greiving deeply. Does he really need you chastising him for not being “out.”
There is just so many other things to be thinking about in the world today and it saddens me that this is all you can think of.
Tibby in Texas
January 5, 2005 at 8:43 pm
The only thing I can say is that the timing is so confusing because I saw Nate’s post about being home on his website before anything was posted on Oprah’s website.
However, at the end of the day, what does it really matter? Nothing really.
But I do appreciate your efforts to cull all the information and present it for us. I’m new at blogging and for any new info that comes out in the days ahead, I’ll be checking your site.
Thanks.
January 7, 2005 at 11:15 am
I’m with Tibby, this is ridiculous. Your posts on this topic show how shallow your thinking is to harp on about other’s sexual preferences. In a time of grief and loss of this magnitude, you of all people should be emphasizing Nate’s humanity, and not reducing him to behave in whatever “poster child manner” you believe he owes you.
This IS a loss of a friend, regardless of partnership, and if my wife were swept out to sea, there’s nothing that says I shouldn’t refer to her as my friend as well - my best friend in the world, and perhaps in my shock and grief I too would have called her that. Move on, and leave this man alone that you claim to admire.
January 7, 2005 at 2:05 pm
Tibby and Brad,
With all due respect - did you even read the entire post? This is not all I can think of. I even mentioned - more than once - that there are MUCH more important things to worry about in this situation. I said that it wasn’t any of my business. I said that it was his choice and his alone. I was just pointing out something several people had been discussing - that it was unfortunate somebody felt the need to mask the nature of their relationship.
I’m not chastising him for not being out. He is out, very out, and has been for some time. He doesn’t owe anybody anything, especially at a time like this. I was lamenting the fact that someone, probably Oprah staff, wasn’t comfortable calling them partner’s while Fernando’s family was.
And keep in mind that the word changed from “friend” to “partner,” so somebody in Nate’s life, maybe even Nate himself, DID agree with me.
And Brad, you definitely didn’t read the end of this post, where I say that I won’t be writing about this anymore because we should all give Nate time and space to heal.
January 8, 2005 at 1:30 am
I DID read the whole post — just as I’ve read every one of your posts over the last couple of years, from the very beginning, as a long-time visitor to your blog — and I’m with Tibby and Brad. You said, and I quote, “Frankly, I think it’s a little cowardly of Nate to persist in his use of ‘friend.’” A few hours after that, you said, “I still don’t completely understand why Nate would say ‘friend’ to CNN in the first place, but given the circumstances, the stress, the shock, and everything else, it can certainly be ignored, forgiven, and forgotten.” In other words, you’re still positing that Nate did something wrong, something of which he has to be forgiven, by referring to Fernando as merely a “friend”… and at the same time, you’re refusing to cop to the possibility that YOU did something wrong by accusing Nate of cowardice while in the throes of his tragic loss, so freshly after that loss occurred that it strikes me as distasteful in the extreme. I think you have a good heart, Nick, and I’m not trying to attack your character in any way. But I do think you employed very poor judgment in taking Nate to task for this as soon after Fernando’s disappearance as you did, and I’m disappointed by your refusal to admit that maybe you shouldn’t have made the critique you made when you made it. If only you’d given Nate the time and space to heal, to paraphrase your dismissive and hypocritical (although, I have no doubt, heartfelt) comment above, instead of rushing to rip into the guy, mid-trauma, in your politically correct but tactlessly inept zeal, you wouldn’t have people like me pissing in your corn flakes about this. (And while you might’ve said you were through discussing this subject, as much as I share the desire to move on for Nate’s sake, I wasn’t about to let that keep me from weighing in on it. Because if you aren’t going to hold yourself accountable, we readers will, gag rule be damned. That said, this is the last you’ll hear from me about it.)
January 8, 2005 at 2:50 pm
Oh good grief, people…let it go. The world will not end because of what you think about what Nick thinks about what Nate thinks. Or says. Or does. Or whatever. Let’s all just hold hands and sing a nice song, shall we?
January 10, 2005 at 7:23 pm
Rick….congratulations of being a gay liberated Mormon but you still harbor the shallowness typical of white Utah Mormons. Over 100,000 people DIED in the tsunami, YET you are fixated on Nate Berkus’ sexuality. Mr. Berkus lost a friend, but you throw a sissy fit over meaningless labels. “Friend” or “Partner”? Are you the label police? The social engineer of the gay scene? It’s bad enough having to face political correctness from the straight crowd, now we have to face it from other queers.
Nothing more irritating than a loud and proud queer with an agenda…..and ill fitting high heels.
Sincerely,
Rick
January 12, 2005 at 1:31 pm
Sorry folks but I think you’re getting too caught up on naming conventions when there is a much bigger issue. Who cares how Nate or anyone else refers to Fernando. He is more than anything else a person. A terrible tragedy has occurred and my thoughts are with Nate and Fernado’s other friends and family, as well as all the folks who have died or lost someone in the tsunami. This is a non-issue and I feel that you are introducing gay political agendas that divide us when we should be focusing on how we can come together.
I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and I very randomly introduce him as either my friend or my partner. We’ve discussed this many times and have never been comfortable with how some people refer to their partners (boyfriend, lover, husband, etc.) We don’t see fault with others that use these words but the words themselves don’t seem to describe our family as they have an association with gay politics. Furthermore, it’s this type of in-your-face gay agenda that turns people off. Not all of us want to walk around with a “I’m here, I’m queer” tee-shirt on. Many of us just want to build a family and a life with the person we love. Not only does this make us happy but this is how we will get true acceptance.