I spent much of today depressed, wondering, “Where’s the line between admirable perseverance in working toward what you want, and stupidity in not getting the hint that it’s time to move on to something new?”
It’s a regular question I have.
I mean, on one hand I know anything really worth attaining is going to require lots of hard work. But at what point do you say, “Ok - fuck it. Clearly, God or fate or whatever does not want me to [fill in blank here] and I’m wasting my time trying over and over again. It’s just not meant to be”?
Do you try for 6 months? A year? Five years? Twenty? When does it become absurd to think it’s still possible to achieve what you’ve always wanted? And how do you know when you’ve crossed that line to officially being pathetic?
Baby steps would be one thing. But I’m at 18 months, without even a hint of positive news or progress. How do I know when it’s time to just give up and try another direction entirely? When would that be the smart thing to do?
What do you choose when you can:
1) take an easy, guaranteed-success route that you can tolerate but don’t love, or
2) take the virtually-impossible route that you really love, but may never offer you success. Ever.
I don’t know if I can handle the possibility of life-long failure. 18 months of doors closing has been hard enough already. If I could just get a little hint of success to keep me going. But it’s not here yet and doesn’t look promising.
I guess what I’m asking is: At what point should you let the dream die? When do you settle for whatever you can get? I can’t live like THIS forever, so when do I stop?
June 24, 2005 at 8:22 am
Wow, I laid in bed last night asking myself and David the exact same questions. You are definitely not alone in that regard. I think the answer is to never give up on your dreams. Do what truly makes you happy and is fulfilling. That’s what keeps us going. You may have to settle for something less in the mean time like I have done, but never give up. I know things will work out one day. Hopefully soon
June 24, 2005 at 9:42 am
Good question. I don’t have THE answer but have been through several such situations, the latest being the remodeling of our house. You’re welcome to send me an e-mail with the particulars and we can discuss it.
June 24, 2005 at 10:25 am
Tough question. I took the “virtually-impossible route” four years ago. I’ve been studying 8 hours a day, 6 days a week, ever since. And I’m nowhere near the end, I must say. Anyway, what I did was to ask my parents and my, let’s call her, “coach-teacher” to tell me to quit if they ever come to think that I won’t make it. Besides, I’m not going to spend more than eight years of my life trying to pass these exams. By the way, you’ll have to forgive my english, it isn’t my mother tongue and I’m not into correcting this post.
June 24, 2005 at 11:30 am
Go with the passion. Every time. Part of you dies when you give up. Never, never, never, never give up. Never.
It’s important to realize when you need to go at it from a different direction or look at it in a different light, but keep moving toward that goal. You’ll make it. How can the universe resist giving you what you’ve worked so hard for?
June 24, 2005 at 4:42 pm
Well, I’m going to go against the grain of the others’ thoughts and say I’m going through the same thing and I think at some point you have to be honest and say things just may not happen EXACTLY the way we want them to happen. So, you may need to fine tune or look in a different direction but along the same lines. I haven’t been able to get and keep a job in my field for a variety of reasons, so I’m going to have to find something else. Don’t look at it like losing a dream, or giving up. You just may need to alter your plans a bit. We always have to adjust things as life goes along.
June 24, 2005 at 6:06 pm
Don’t give up.
June 24, 2005 at 9:04 pm
You pursue the dream as long as you have passion for it. Settling for something that you don’t love, in my opinion, is the real failure. How could you live your life that way - without passion? Don’t define yourself by what you may think others are thinking about you. Keep going for it and be open to whatever God has planned for you - he could send it in a slightly different package that ultimately is more amazing than anything you could have palnned for yourself. The exciting thing is not knowing, be open, this could take you anywhere.
June 27, 2005 at 8:31 am
Baby, if I can do it here, now, you can do it there, now. Follow your heart, Nick, not your doubts.
June 27, 2005 at 9:32 pm
I don’t think there is an answer to your question because as long as you are still getting up in the morning with that dream in your vision, you’ve got to keep following it. That said, dreams change. There was a time when all I could imagine was a career in video production, and yet I made choices that took me away from that, for what I thought was the ‘greater good’. Now I realize that dream has passed, and others have taken it’s place although I still feel that tinge of regret that those dreams weren’t realized. The thing is, every day is new, and you have to ask yourself, ‘do I still want this today?’ You are constantly evolving, growing, changing, but if the dream is still there when you wake up tomorrow or next month, and you still have the ability, follow it.
June 29, 2005 at 7:53 am
What is “it”? Are you too specific in what the dream is? “I want my life to be about excitement and art” is different than “I want to be an artist.” Sometimes dreams come true and it’s great, but sometimes it sucks. Could God have a reason for not allowing your dream to come true? I think God want’s all our dreams to come true, he put them there. None-the-less, if my dreams had come true earlier in my life, I’m afraid I would have beceome a heroin addict and died. I’m an actor and singer, and I try not to be defined by my day job. I have a mortgage to pay, and I’m not planning on running away with the circus. . . but I am getting the training I need in case I change my mind. Even so, right now my life is about family, excitement, and creativty. Even though I hate my day job, my life is about more than that.
I hope that helps, in it’s own pointless way.
Good luck,
Vig
June 29, 2005 at 11:32 am
This is one of the toughest questions ever. Even when logically you feel it’s best to let it go and move on, sometimes your heart won’t let go of the hope. That or you feel guilty for quitting something, even when you should.
I’m going through this with a boy right now. Why is it that I know what I want, and others don’t?
June 29, 2005 at 8:40 pm
I’ve been dealing with the same question lately. I don’t know if it’s really possible to let a dream die - it’s either going to stay with you or it’s going to go away on its own. It’s probably smarter to keep pursuing it, because throwing in the towel will eventually eat away at you: “if only I had tried ___ . . .” or “if only I had been just a little more patient . . .” and so on. I find that regret is a lot more depressing in the long run than continuing to make a fool of myself.
The good news is that dreams sometimes change, and better things sometimes come along. Beyond that, there really is no answer.
July 1, 2005 at 11:06 pm
Hi..I was blog surfing and came about your blog. From my point of view, I think pursuing your dreams is more important than aiming for success. I said so because I had a chance to be in a successful team but it was to do something that I don’t enjoy and I was very unhappy. But now I’m happy to be doing something I love doing, something I’ve always dreamed of even though I know that to be successful, it’s going to take a long long time. Don’t give up.