Utah schools are at it again.

Provo High now has its own Gay-Straight Alliance. Given that Provo is “the most conservative city in the nation,” the creation of this “club” of course brings out Utah’s crazies. Again.

Why all this “again” stuff? The drawn-out legal battles were taken care of nearly ten years ago, when Salt Lake City’s East High drew national attention for banning all non-curricular clubs rather than welcoming a GSA when the courts ruled the school board could not discriminate which clubs operated in the school under the Equal Access Act (which was, rather ironically, originially created to allow Bible clubs to meet).

Some Utah County residents, however, apparently believe their community operates under a different set of laws than the rest of the nation. The Standard of Liberty Foundation has promised to take the Provo gay club issue to court, claiming that gay clubs contribute to the deliquency of minors and present a significant health risk to youth, among other ludicrous things. I knew Utah County residents were from another planet, but this is absurd for even them.

Though I kind of hate to give them the hits, go look at the Foundation’s website. Go on. I dare you. See the bit about the “gay activist movement’s plans to indoctrinate our youth”? Standard of Liberty’s founder, Stephen Graham, even got on the local news, explaining how being gay means you’ll die of AIDS and other “horibble sexual diseases.” I’m not kidding. From “recruiting children” claims to “diseased ‘lifestyles,’” it’s Anita Bryant all over again.

Graham’s obviously-too-impressionable daughter, Elise, a senior in high school, is in on the act, too. No doubt stupidity runs in the family, as her mother has a few articles posted as well. In the helpful informational packet of “gay agenda handouts” (Gee… did I miss brunch? I never got a packet when I came out…) Elise writes, “Has everyone forgotten about HIV and AIDS? These are fatal diseases spread primarily by the gay community… ”

For one, Daddy Graham needs to explain to Little Elise that viruses can’t tell where you stick your dick. Just that it’s been stuck somewhere. Not to mention the difference between homosexual acts (and you know as well as I do that nothing’s exclusively a homosexual “act” anymore. I know as many straight women into anal sex as gay men. But I digress…) and merely being homosexual. Hell, following their line of logic, which defines a person - and a community - by their sex acts, you’re not heterosexual, either, until you’ve done the deed. Tell that to all the Mormon virgins. “Sorry, sweetie, you’re not straight. At least not until you get a little.”

I’m too tired tonight to go through the whole site. But you’re smart people. You’ll see the idiocy right away.